Inner Demons
by Patrick Phelan
Summary: Vincent and Cid discussing inner demons. Medium violence and language.


Author's Notes: I have no doubt that this has been done a _lot_ of times before. But… I can't find any, so I'm posting this anyway. Bwa ha!

I own none of these characters - it's _all_ Squaresoft, y'know.

* * *

They were camped a mile or so from the Highwind.

Not that anyone passing by would notice. Vincent Valentine sitting cross-legged on the plains of Mideel was not a camp. Despite Vincent sitting cross-legged in between a triangle of sleeping bags, breaking down and cleaning the Death Penalty, it was _still_ not a camp. Normally, Cloud and Cid would be there too: Cloud unfolding and refolding a tent while his thoughts were somewhere entirely different; Cid brewing a pot of absolutely hideous tea over the fire and swearing at Cloud and Vincent when they mentioned how deeply they hated it. _That _was a camp, and despite the swearing and arguments and Cloud's occasional fugue state, it was a good camp. But Cloud and Cid weren't there.

"Materia contains not so much the knowledge of the An… _Cetra_," Cloud had explained, perhaps unwilling to offend even Aeris' shade by giving her people the vulgar title, "as the _potential_ of that knowledge. Think of it like a muscle – it needs to be exercised."

And thus, Cloud and Cid were hunting. Their job was to find a group of monsters, lure them back to the camp, and then make a stand with Vincent on side.

In fact, Vincent was meant to be hunting, but he'd talked to Cloud and Cid about it. Plainly, quite reasonably, he'd mentioned the short fuse he'd been on ever since they'd left the Highwind. It was almost difficult to tell – sober or maddened, Vincent didn't talk much – but the occasional impulse had stormed through. After one 'discussion' between Vincent and Yuffie, Cloud had noted a deep gash in a nearby crate… a deep gash that looked very like it had been made with a certain golden claw.

Cloud had agreed. Vincent would stay at the camp until the monsters were brought back. And where Cloud agreed, Cid had to go along… albeit not without some cursing.

Cursing that Vincent heard now. Cid was in fine voice as he stormed over the plain, Venus Gospel in one hand, Cloud behind him and a swarm of dog-sized bugs behind Cloud.

His left claw swept across the materia in Death Penalty, hearing the reassuring _click_ over magics and summons and supports. His right spun the gun through a full circle as he stood, reclaimed the weapon in one hand, pointed it straight out and fired.

At the exact moment the trigger made contact, a red materia in the stock took on an inferno-glow, the blue materia beside it glowing in sympathy, and Vincent felt a strange _doubling_: he seemed to be looking at the world momentarily through a golden mask, and he couldn't tell the difference between Death Penalty and a steel-bladed sword. Then it cleared, the bullet struck home, and one of the bugs… literally disintegrated.

"$^@* yeah!" Cid shouted, turning around as he reached the 'camp' and readying his Gospel. "Good to see ya, Vinny!"

Vincent, as ever, made no response. His hand and claw went through the automatic motions of reloading Death Penalty, clicking the claw over the materia to keep the magic in it strong, firing again and again as Cid struck with his spear and Cloud sliced with his sword. Dispassion. Dispassion. Keep the mind clear of feelings and you can fight better, not to mention that there was no danger of…

…and then _pain_ blossomed in his right shoulder, and he stopped the automatic training and firing of the weapon to notice, dumbfounded, that one of the bugs was chewing on his flesh.

Cid pulled back the Gospel to skewer the bug, but stopped at the look in Vincent's eyes.

Vincent wasn't even aware he was thinking, but the thoughts came to him regardless. _Damned bug bloodpainanger what right does it have to carnageandterror why should it intrude upon rageagonydeath and Lucrecia died and Hojo changed me and bloodpainanger carnage terror, rage, agony, death, **CHANGE**…_

The thought string took only a moment, and the black wings burst from his back in less than that time. As he reached up to tear the bug free, he noticed with a kind of angry apathy and bored rage that _both_ were clawed now. And as Chaos took over his body, he felt Chaos take over his mind.

"_You fought well._" it said in his mind, its voice laughing. "_You fought **very** well, for a mortal. But it's time to give up now, Vincent, because battle is **my** business. I'll give the body back when you don't need me to take it any more._"

Red dropped over his vision, and nothing more.

Cid lowered the Gospel in shock as Vincent's skin darkened to a red-purple, his face changed its shape to a cruel axe-head, and the gigantic wings began to beat, bearing Vincent/Chaos into the air. Both the claws came around, grabbed the bug between them, tore it free – no thought, of course, for Chaos' flesh. Chaos was eternal, or so it thought.

Then the claws came together with a _click_, and the bug fell to bloodied fragments at Chaos' foot-talons.

  
The other bugs – and, for that matter, Cid and Cloud – almost seemed to have been hit by a Stop spell, their instincts telling them to try not to be noticed by this… being. Instincts that lied. Chaos, with its customary flair for the dramatic, reached behind it and drew the great sabre that five seconds ago had been the Death Penalty. It held the Chaos Sabre quietly for a moment, as if making sure that it had the bugs' full attention, and then _struck_.

Chaos Sabre tore through insectoid flesh, spattering dark blood over the plains of Mideel. The demon that had been Vincent darted like a dancer, as if death was a performance that only it could perform well. And if one could look past the brutality, there was a kind of beauty and poetry in the way Chaos moved, the way the wings flashed, the way the sword struck.

The way the insects' bodies littered the ground, Chaos standing triumphant in the centre of the pattern.

Cid was the first to break free of the trance, to take a step towards Chaos/Vincent… and feel the tip of the Chaos Sabre at his throat.

Chaos' laughter gurgled in a demonic throat for a bare few moments, and then started to change… to become human, almost melodic, as the wings retracted and Chaos became Vincent once more. And, hideously, Vincent still held Death Penalty to Cid's throat, and still laughed…

Then his red eyes rolled back into his head, and Vincent passed out.

Cloud and Cid spent a moment in silence, staring at the young/old man just freed from his inner demons. And then Cid described the situation.

"$^@*."

* * *

Vincent was settled on the deck of the Highwind as Cid's student piloted it across the seas to their next destination. His eyes closed, some of his dark hair blowing out behind him, he would have looked almost peaceful if not for the slight frown. That slight frown somehow turned him into an icon of despair.

The scraping sound of a cigarette lighter announced the spearman's presence as Cid sat cross-legged besides him.

"Cid…" Vincent began.

"You apologise? &^@* it. It's just… look, it's some of the shit you have to deal with when you have to deal with Vincent. I understand it." Cid put the flame to the tip of a new cigarette, placed it in his mouth, drew at the smoke and flipped the lighter back into his pocket.

"Chaos is the worst." Vincent said, his eyes still closed. "Chaos is by far the worst. The Galian Beast and the Hellmasker are just savage. The sheer intensity of their feelings counters the evil of them. They don't think about killing, they just want to kill. The Death Gigas barely even wants to. It just acts on whatever occurs to it at the time. But Chaos has a malign intelligence driving its instincts. It wants to kill, but it likes to think about killing as well. Its intelligence drives its every action. It knows exactly how to drive in each type of cruelty and evil. And it always thinks."

A moment of silence.

Cid took another drag, pulled the cigarette from his mouth. "You're just tellin' me this shit because you nearly killed me, right?"

Silent, still closed-eyed, Vincent nodded.

"Most of me wants to say I'm sorry for you. Almost all of me wants to say I'm sorry for you, and I _am_, Vincent. I'm…" He searched for the word, and then gave up. "I'm _really_ $^@*in' sorry for you. But part of me – it's only a little part, and I think it's kinda a nasty part – wants me to say I envy you."

"Why?" The trademark bitterness that was the only emotion Vincent showed crept into his voice. "Because of my _power_?"

"I couldn't give a shit about your power, Vinny. I've got the Highwind and that's all I need. But you were in Rocket Town, with Cloud and… y'know." Cid didn't like to say Aeris' name. He hated the look in Cloud's eyes whenever he did. "Shera told you the story, didn't she? Shinra Number &^@*in' 26? The rocket that _almost _launched?" He didn't wait for Vincent to nod before he continued. "The rocket where Shera was in the engine room, thirty seconds before we launched? And she told you that I pushed the Emergency Cancel button to stop the launch and spare her life?"

Vincent was quiet, as Cid took another breath of smoke. He let out a short chuckle, roughened by his smoke-hardened throat, and continued.

"Can tell you what she _didn't_ &^@*in' tell you. Why didn't I do it earlier, hey? I had thirty &^@*in' seconds in which I knew she was in there, and I knew I wasn't going to talk her out of there in time. Why, Vinny, did I wait until the _actual &^@*in' launch?_" Another rough chuckle.

" 'Cause I didn't _want_ to push that button, Vinny."

More silence.

"I was sittin' there, in my captain's chair, watchin' the countdown, and part of me was saying that this was what I was after. This was my dream… no, more than my dream, my &^@*in' _right_. Outer space. The sky arrayed before me. What's one woman, that part of me said, what's one woman to sacrifice to so noble a dream? The crime would be _not_ takin' off, it said. And until I heard the engines start and realised what it meant, I &^@*in' _believed_ that little voice, Vincent. I &^@*in' _believed_ it."

Vincent opened his eyes. In the night, Cid was just the flame at the end of his cigarette, and his voice. Speaking like truths from blackness. Speaking like an oracle.

"You've got more bad thoughts than us, more evil desires, and so I'm &^@*in' sorry for you. But when you hear those bad thoughts, Vinny, you can tell yourself that that's the voice of Chaos, and you can go on with your life." Another drag. "When I hear those bad thoughts, Vinny, I can only tell myself one thing. That's the voice of Cid &^@*in' Highwind."

The cigarette seemed to stub itself out on the deck, and Vincent heard the footsteps as Cid Highwind left him to himself.


End file.
